Pre-Meeting Essentials
What You Need:
- [ ] Specific examples from 3+ different days
- [ ] Documentation of what you've already tried
- [ ] List of child's strengths
- [ ] Resources to share (contact info, referrals)
- [ ] Private location + 30-45 minutes scheduled
- [ ] Colleague to debrief with afterward
Quick Mindset Check:
- I'm acting in this child's best interest
- Parents are partners, not adversaries
- I'm sharing observations, not making diagnoses
- Discomfort is okay; avoidance isn't
The 5-Stage Structure
1. Connect
- Thank them for coming
- Express care for their child
- State purpose: "I'd like to share observations and hear your perspective"
2. Share Observations
Start with strengths: "Let me tell you what I love about [child]..."
Then specific concerns:
- Use "I've noticed..." not "Your child is..."
- Give concrete examples with context
- Describe behavior, avoid labels
- Multiple examples = pattern, not isolated incident
3. Invite Their Perspective
Ask, then truly listen:
- "What have you been seeing at home?"
- "Has anyone else mentioned concerns?"
- "What has your pediatrician said?"
- Validate feelings without dismissing concerns
4. Problem-Solve Together
- Share what you'll do in the classroom
- Offer resources (not requirements)
- Suggest next steps as options
- Break it down into first steps
5. Plan Follow-Up
- Summarize agreed actions
- Set next check-in date
- Provide written resources
- End with hope and support
DO
- Be Specific: "During circle time on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, when I asked children to sit..."
- Balance: Share 2-3 strengths before every concern
- Use Simple Language: Avoid jargon
- Offer Choices: "Some families choose to... Others prefer..."
- Stay Calm: Even if they cry, yell, or deny
- Document Everything: What was discussed, agreed actions
- Follow Up: Email resources within 24 hours
DON'T
- Never ambush at pickup/drop-off
- Don't diagnose: You're not qualified
- Don't compare to other children by name
- Don't blame parents or suggest they caused it
- Don't minimize real concerns to avoid discomfort
- Don't rush: Give them time to process
- Don't go alone: Consult colleagues first
Sentence Starters
Opening:
- "I care about [child], and I've noticed something I'd like to discuss..."
- "I'm hoping we can put our heads together to support [child]..."
Sharing Concerns:
- "I've been observing that..."
- "I've noticed a pattern over the past few weeks..."
- "In the classroom, I'm seeing..."
Inviting Perspective:
- "What's your experience been like?"
- "Has anyone else mentioned...?"
- "Help me understand what you're seeing at home..."
Problem-Solving:
- "Here's what I'm thinking we could try..."
- "Some options include..."
- "Would you like information about...?"
If They're Upset:
- "I can see this is hard to hear. That makes sense."
- "Take your time. There's no rush."
- "I know you want what's best for [child]. That's why I wanted to talk."
Closing:
- "Let's plan to check in again in [timeframe]..."
- "I'm here to support you both through this."
- "Please reach out anytime with questions."
By Scenario
Developmental Delays
Focus: Specific milestones + benefit of early intervention
Avoid: Comparisons to classmates, making diagnoses
Behavior Concerns
Focus: Function of behavior + impact on learning
Avoid: Labels like "aggressive" or "bad," blaming parents
Social-Emotional Issues
Focus: Specific social situations + supports that help
Avoid: Predicting future ("they'll have no friends")
Suspected Learning Differences
Focus: Observable patterns + benefits of evaluation
Avoid: Diagnostic labels, medical advice
After the Meeting
Within 24-48 Hours:
- Send warm follow-up email
- Provide promised resources
- Summarize next steps in writing
- Start classroom strategies
- Document in child's file
Ongoing:
- Check in weekly or bi-weekly
- Share positives, not just concerns
- Adjust based on what's working
- Be patient with their process
If It Goes Poorly
Parent is angry/defensive:
- Stay calm and empathetic
- Acknowledge their feelings
- Don't take it personally
- Offer to reconvene another time
Parent is in denial:
- Respect their process
- Continue documenting
- Maintain positive relationship
- Offer to have them observe
- Loop in administration if needed
You get emotional:
- It's okay to briefly acknowledge
- "This is hard because I care so much about [child]"
- Take a breath, refocus on child's needs
Self-Care Reminders
- Practice with a colleague first
- Debrief after every hard conversation
- Celebrate your courage
- Perfection isn't the goal; honesty and care are
- Early intervention changes lives—you're doing important work
Keep Handy
Local Resources:
- Early intervention program: _______________
- Developmental screening: _______________
- Speech/OT evaluation: _______________
- Family support services: _______________
- Your supervisor's contact: _______________
Print this card and keep it in your planner for quick reference before any difficult parent conversation.