Quick Reference Card: Having Hard Conversations with Parents

Pre-Meeting Essentials

What You Need:

• [ ]Specific examples from 3+ different days
• [ ]Documentation of what you've already tried
• [ ] List of child's strengths
• [ ] Resources to share (contact info, referrals)
• [ ] Private location + 30-45 minutes scheduled
• [ ] Colleague to debrief with afterward
  
  

Quick Mindset Check:

• I'm acting in this child's best interest
• Parents are partners, not adversaries
• I'm sharing observations, not making diagnoses
• Discomfort is okay; avoidance isn't

The 5-Stage Structure
1. Connect 

• Thank them for coming
• Express care for their child
• State purpose: "I'd like to share observations and hear your perspective"

2. Share Observations

Start with strengths: "Let me tell you what I love about [child]..."

Then specific concerns:

• Use "I've noticed..." not "Your child is..."
• Give concrete examples with context
• Describe behavior, avoid labels
• Multiple examples = pattern, not isolated incident

3. Invite Their Perspective 

Ask, then truly listen:

• "What have you been seeing at home?"
• "Has anyone else mentioned concerns?"
• "What has your pediatrician said?"
• Validate feelings without dismissing concerns

4. Problem-Solve Together

• Share what you'll do in the classroom
• Offer resources (not requirements)
• Suggest next steps as options
• Break it down into first steps

5. Plan Follow-Up 

• Summarize agreed actions
• Set next check-in date
• Provide written resources
• End with hope and support

DO

• Be Specific: "During circle time on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, when I asked children to sit..."
• Balance: Share 2-3 strengths before every concern
• Use Simple Language: Avoid jargon
• Offer Choices: "Some families choose to... Others prefer..."
• Stay Calm: Even if they cry, yell, or deny
• Document Everything: What was discussed, agreed actions
• Follow Up: Email resources within 24 hours

DON'T

• Never ambush at pickup/drop-off
• Don't diagnose: You're not qualified
• Don't compare to other children by name
• Don't blame parents or suggest they caused it
• Don't minimize real concerns to avoid discomfort
• Don't rush: Give them time to process
• Don't go alone: Consult colleagues first

Sentence Starters

Opening:

• "I care about [child], and I've noticed something I'd like to discuss..."
• "I'm hoping we can put our heads together to support [child]..."
  
  

Sharing Concerns:

• "I've been observing that..."
• "I've noticed a pattern over the past few weeks..."
• "In the classroom, I'm seeing..."
  
  

Inviting Perspective:

• "What's your experience been like?"
• "Has anyone else mentioned...?"
• "Help me understand what you're seeing at home..."
  
  

Problem-Solving:

• "Here's what I'm thinking we could try..."
• "Some options include..."
• "Would you like information about...?"
  
  

If They're Upset:

• "I can see this is hard to hear. That makes sense."
• "Take your time. There's no rush."
• "I know you want what's best for [child]. That's why I wanted to talk."
  
  

Closing:

• "Let's plan to check in again in [timeframe]..."
• "I'm here to support you both through this."
• "Please reach out anytime with questions."

By Scenario
Developmental Delays

Focus: Specific milestones + benefit of early intervention
Avoid: Comparisons to classmates, making diagnoses

Behavior Concerns

Focus: Function of behavior + impact on learning
Avoid: Labels like "aggressive" or "bad," blaming parents

Social-Emotional Issues

Focus: Specific social situations + supports that help
Avoid: Predicting future ("they'll have no friends")

Suspected Learning Differences

Focus: Observable patterns + benefits of evaluation
Avoid: Diagnostic labels, medical advice

After the Meeting

Within 24-48 Hours:

• Send warm follow-up email
• Provide promised resources
• Summarize next steps in writing
• Start classroom strategies
• Document in child's file
  
  

Ongoing:

• Check in weekly or bi-weekly
• Share positives, not just concerns
• Adjust based on what's working
• Be patient with their process

If It Goes Poorly

Parent is angry/defensive:

• Stay calm and empathetic
• Acknowledge their feelings
• Don't take it personally
• Offer to reconvene another time
  
  

Parent is in denial:

• Respect their process
• Continue documenting
• Maintain positive relationship
• Offer to have them observe
• Loop in administration if needed
  
  

You get emotional:

• It's okay to briefly acknowledge
• "This is hard because I care so much about [child]"
• Take a breath, refocus on child's needs

Self-Care Reminders

• Practice with a colleague first
• Debrief after every hard conversation
• Celebrate your courage
• Perfection isn't the goal; honesty and care are
• Early intervention changes lives—you're doing important work

Keep Handy

Local Resources:

• Early intervention program: _______________
• Developmental screening: _______________
• Speech/OT evaluation: _______________
• Family support services: _______________
• Your supervisor's contact: _______________
  
  

Print this card and keep it in your planner for quick reference before any difficult parent conversation.